Pride and arrogance. At first glance, synonyms. But there is a chasm between them. Healthy pride is a sense of self-worth, respect for oneself without belittling others. Arrogance is contempt for others, conviction of one's superiority. One uplifts, the other destroys. In this article, we will discuss where the line is drawn, why arrogant people are unhappy, and how not to confuse pride with arrogance.

What is pride

Pride comes in different forms. There is "I am proud of my son" — joy for the achievements of another. There is "I am proud of my work" — satisfaction from the results of one's labor. There is "healthy pride" — adequate self-esteem, knowledge of one's strengths. Such pride does not prevent noticing others' successes and acknowledging one's mistakes. It gives stability: you are not knocked off your feet by criticism, but you do not become self-righteous. Psychologists call this "self-esteem" in contrast to narcissism. Pride is an internal pillar that does not need constant nourishment from the outside.

What is arrogance

Arrogance is a protective mask. Behind it often hides low self-esteem, fear of being rejected, uncertainty. An arrogant person constantly compares himself to others and finds a reason to elevate himself. He devalues others' achievements, cannot sincerely rejoice for others, considers himself unique. His favorite phrases: "this is too simple for me", "you won't understand this", "I don't need your help". Arrogance repels people, destroys relationships, hinders career. At the same time, the arrogant person often does not notice his behavior or considers it normal.

Differences in behavior

A proud person: listens to the interlocutor, does not interrupt. Can admit that he does not know the answer. Respects others' opinions, even if he does not agree. Does not boast. Accepts compliments with dignity. Arrogant: interrupts, belittles ("all this is nonsense"), does not listen, waits for his turn to speak. Boasts about connections, money, intelligence. Cannot stand criticism — immediately switches to attack. Compliments are accepted as a matter of course ("well, I am a genius"). At the table, he may discuss absentees, humiliate waiters. This behavior betrays him.

Causes of arrogance

Where does arrogance come from? Often from childhood. The child was either excessively praised, instilling the idea that he is "special" and "better than others". Or, on the contrary, humiliated, and he created a shield of superiority to not feel pain. The second option is imitating a significant adult (for example, a tyrant father). The third is a defensive reaction to bullying at school: "I am not worse than you, I am even better". Arrogance can be a symptom of narcissistic personality disorder. But it can also be situational — as a reaction to a recent success (star syndrome).

Consequences of arrogance

An arrogant person loses friends — no one wants to deal with him. At work, his subordinates do not like him and his colleagues do not respect him. It is difficult to build a family with him. The partner will eventually get tired of belittling. Children of arrogant parents grow up with low self-esteem or become the same themselves. In the long run, arrogance leads to loneliness. This is proven by research: arrogant people have weaker social connections and are more prone to depression.

How to distinguish between healthy pride and arrogance

Pride says: "I am good, but others are good too". Arrogance: "I am the best, others are scum". Pride allows you to say "I was wrong"; arrogance does not admit mistakes. A proud person is happy for others' success; an arrogant person is envious. Pride is based on real achievements; arrogance is based on exaggerated self-perception. Pride does not need constant confirmation; arrogance requires admiration like a drug. A simple test: imagine you lost in a competition. A proud person will shake hands with the winner. An arrogant person will start looking for excuses.

How to get rid of arrogance

The first step is to admit the problem. If you notice that people around you are turning away, that you are often criticized for "stardom", maybe it's about you. The second step is to ask for feedback from your loved ones. Be prepared to hear unpleasant things. The third step is to practice gratitude. Write down three things every day that you are grateful for to other people. The fourth step is the practice of equal treatment: in any conversation, try to listen more than you talk. The fifth step is a therapeutic group (if arrogance is deeply rooted).

Pride that destroys

It is important: sometimes healthy pride can turn into arrogance if it is not controlled. Success turns your head. The paradox is that exactly people who have achieved a lot are at risk of becoming arrogant. Therefore, wise people cultivate humility. Do not confuse it with self-abasement. Humility is knowing one's limits, the ability to learn from others. It makes pride stable, not allowing it to turn into poison.

Pride and arrogance are separated by a thin line. It is easy to cross it, but difficult to return. Observe yourself. And remember: a person who puts himself above others is actually below everyone — in loneliness.

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